Every Heartbeat

The last few weeks have held a lot of emotional elements. There have been some really great things, such as my mom officially deciding to make the move near us (we're currently 500 miles apart), new babies, and personal achievements. Likewise, there have been many heartbreaking things to make my prayer list.

Most recently, I've become aware of the loss of two young children, ages 10 and 4. While I don't know these two families personally, I am close to those who do...and as a fellow mother, my heart cannot help but grieve. I have been overwhelmed with helplessness as I pray for these families and those who have been touched by these little lives.

As I've prayed for their healing and peace, God has used this time to remind me of just how short and precious our time is with our little ones. Whether they go home sooner than we think is fair or they leave our homes to start their new, adult lives, our time is so fleeting. My heart aches at the thought.

He has reminded me that I am to savor every moment and take advantage of every opportunity to show my children the love of Christ. My number one objective aside from meeting their physical needs, is to love them with a fierceness that points them to God. It is my job to love them like Jesus.

As much as I long to hold them close to me and sprinkle them with a little "never grow up" pixie dust, I know that is not my role. God has called me to love and raise my children for as long as He sees fit to keep them with me. This is hard to stomach, but God has gently reminded me that my children are not "mine". He has granted me the humbling honor of being their mother, but my children are His. They are His gift to me. They are His gift to world in the sense that they have a Kingdom oriented purpose to fulfill.

I remember the dark days of our infertility and wondered if God would ever grant the desire of my heart. I simply wanted to become a mother. I did not realize what that would truly entail. In the days before their arrival I would anxiously await the next appointment that would afford me the opportunity to hear their precious heartbeats. I always felt better after hearing the fast paced gallop of their beating hearts. It held me over from one appointment to the next.

 Now, my heart goes walking before me and beside me daily as I see my toddler explore the world around her. My heart sings as it beats the breathes of my son's sweet slumber. I am grateful in a way that I could never comprehend until them.

God is good.

While I do not always understand the reason behind things happening I do believe that He good.  I've seen so many lives come to know Christ as their Savior through such tragic losses. Some how, out of the ashes comes beauty.

These times remind me to hug my babes a little tighter, love them that much more fiercely, pray for them continually, and cherish every heartbeat.

"As a mother, my job is to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible."

~Ruth Bell Graham~