It has been a rough few weeks in my house. Nothing serious
or anything, just my own struggles in parenting two girls who seem to cry a
lot. These little hearts I have been blessed to raise are not easy to shepherd,
and my sinners heart struggles daily. Let’s just say there were more than a few
times I raised my voice at them in frustration.
Then in my bibles study (anyone else doing BSF?) we read
from the book of Joel, which basically outlines the desolation that is due to
everyone on earth because of their sin (including mine) and the hope we have in
repenting our sins because of Christ (though being an old testament book Joel
doesn’t mention Christ). I was really struck by this. Reading the wrath that I
deserve from God and the results of that wrath was very humbling. Knowing that
Jesus takes that wrath for me brings me to my knees.
But then I started to think about my children and the frustration
and sometimes anger I have because of their little sinner’s hearts. It was
pretty eye opening. Here I am accepting the redemptive power of Christ and
escaping the wrath of God, while I turn right around and yell at my kids for frustrating
me with their sin.
Oh, how God has a lot of work to do with me.
But then the teaching leader at my bible study said
something powerful, “The question isn’t if you’ve done enough, but who you’ve
turned to.”
And I realized my problem. I am trying to be a better mom
daily, which is a good thing to strive for. I am trying not to yell at my kids and trying
to teach them about Jesus. I am trying to teach them to rely on him when they
are frustrated and teach them to deal with their emotions and stubbornness. And
while I am doing this I am trying and trying and trying and not relying on Him.
I am not turning to him; I am turning to my check list, and that article I
read, and Facebook friends for advice. I am constantly wondering if I have done
enough.
Have I taught them enough about Jesus? Have I repented
enough for my yelling? Have I played with them enough today? Have I focused on
my kids enough? Have I spent enough time in God’s word to be a good mom?
You see all of these things are about ME and not about HIM.
I keep thinking I have a lot of work to do, but I don’t. I can never ever be
enough. I will never be able to change my own heart. But Jesus is enough and
that is all that matters.
Where are you trying to be enough? Where do you feel like
you are falling short? Maybe it is your job, or your marriage or your
parenting. Maybe it is your quite time or your prayer life or your repentance. Whatever
it is, take comfort in knowing that you can’t try hard enough, but you don’t have
to. All you need to do is turn to Jesus. He did it all already. He won the
battle for you, he is the triumphant ending.
