Beautiful Spaces

At the beginning of each year, my husband and I do a total once-over of our house. We literally go through every drawer, every cupboard, and every closet and get rid of junk we do need/use/want. It feels SO good to do it, and I am always surprised, and usually a little embarrassed, by how much junk  there is to toss and donate. This year was no different. We put Vivi down for the night and rolled up our sleeves. It was awesome. If it's possible, de-cluttering and organizing are totally my love languages.

After many *many* hours we were finished, and we plopped down on the couch to bask in the glory of our clutter free home. I may or may not have been out of breath. As we sat there though, the thought occurred to me: "What was all this for?" I mean, yes, all the things we already know to be true: it's more organized, less cluttered, its good to purge junk we don't need in order to be be thankful for all we do have-- that's all true. But I just kept thinking that if that's all that we take away from this, aren't we just essentially shuffling around our crap year after year? There has to be more to this. It made me think about what I want to do with all this space I just cleared up. I thought a lot about Viv, about wanting to spend more time with her, about being more present with her---which led to contemplative thinking about my parenting styles and what I want to be intentionally teaching her. All this flooding my brain in like, 15 seconds.....you know that feeling? Its the other side of the pendulum swing in "Mom Brain" I think. I either CANNOT REMEMBER MY CHILD'S NAME TO SAVE MY LIFE, or it all comes barreling in like Viv when she hears "Daniel Tiger" on the tv. Anyway, in the few minutes of couch time, here is what I came up with:

When Paul and I were first married we struggled in our "communication" which, as we all know, is code for "we argued a lot over stupid stuff". So much so, that after a year of marriage we decided we no longer wanted to live like that, and we saw a counselor. Hallelujah, praise Jesus, all the praise hands. It was the best thing we ever did, and I think everyone everywhere should see a counselor for anything and everything, amen.  During our sessions, our therapist talked a lot about the idea of "Holes in Roles". He told us how we, in the role of "parent" can only pass on attributes to our children that we possess. I'm not talking blues eyes, brown hair here,  I'm talking about things like self-confidence, empathy for others, love for ourselves, etc. The characteristics that we don't receive from our parents are the "holes" in our lives, and we are destined to pass on those "holes" to our children if we don't address them. Simply, we can't pass on what we don't have. This idea has been so freeing and so challenging. In a lot of ways it allowed me to have grace for myself in areas I see as my "holes", and challenged me to want to address these areas so I can pass along those ideas to my children.

The thing I've learned about clutter is that it tends to happen in spaces without a specific purpose, and usually unintentionally. To attack it, you have to have a plan for that space, otherwise you are just moving your crap around. When it comes to intentionality in parenting, its no different. For example, I struggle with poor body image. Its hard for me to see worthiness in my body, and a lot of time then subsequently in who I am as a person. That manifests itself in judgmental comments about myself, and inability to see my good qualities. Clutter.  The tricky thing about clutter is that its really easy to just shuffle it to another drawer or closet and not really deal with the stuff. I don't want to do that here, (aka, still believing lies about myself, just trying not to say it around Viv.)  I want to truly deal with my issues so my nature is transformed, and I can then help nurture those qualities in Viv. Plus, its really who Jesus says I am, so, win win.

What I'm trying to say here is the efforts we are making to be intentional moms and wives and followers of Jesus- it matters. The process of the Christian life can be, in a lot of ways, working with God to strip away the clutter in order to create a space where He can operate freely and fully, and we can be transformed.  Also, sometimes in the process of decluttering, things get messier first, and that's okay. Keep going. You are building beautiful spaces.