5 things I would have told my first time mom self.

The other week I met a new mom in my neighborhood. She has an adorable 6 month old little boy and lives in my complex. 

When she came to the door I saw so much of myself in her. 

So much of all of us first time moms in her. 

We are learning and growing. Figuring out what motherhood looks like. Hesitating when we tell another mom our parenting choices, just in case its different from theirs. Smiling through our sleep deprivation at this little bundle of joy we have. 

Now I am second time mom - still learning (goodness this whole discipline thing is hard). Thinking back on when i was a first time mom there are so many things I wish I would have said to myself - or at least believed. 

I was able to join an amazing facebook group of first time moms who were all due the same time I was with Seth. We were able to learn and grow and share experiences with each other. We all still talk (there are about 60 of us) and are enjoying the toddler life now together. 

I asked a few of those women what is one thing they wish they could go back and tell themselves as a first time mom. Here are a few of their answers:

"...... I would've told myself to sleep that first day, when the baby sleeps for like 24 hours... that rest is much needed, and you will have plenty of time to see and play with your baby when you both wake up." - Kyrie. 

"This too shall pass. Its sooooo cliche but it's so true." - Ruth

"Looking back I'd tell myself to stop and take a moment each day to be present in the moment. You don't realize how fast time goes and how quick little ones grow. If you don't stop and appreciate it you'll miss it." - Claire

"...... Breastfeeding isnt this magical time where it happens on its own. it takes a lot of work and patience. it doesnt matter how you feed your baby and how you choose to raise your child differently then everyone else. Remember this is your child and only you know what is best for him or her." - Holly

".... Speak up for yourself, be your own advocate." - Heather

"It's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in life, but it's also the most rewarding and amazingthing you'll ever experience." - Kara

"Definitely to not put such high expectations on yourself or compare yourself to other mothers. We all have our own different struggles." - Lindsay

"Live day by day, and appreciate every moment with your baby even the bad because they are all a part on the ongoing learning experience called motherhood." - Rose

 

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Aren't those just great!

So this brings me to the things I would tell my first time mom self ... and any other first time mom. 

1)Find and connect with other moms. 

Whether it is a forum online, a fb group, or a local playgroup. Stay connected. Some times as first time moms we can tend to be a shut in but even having a group online to say "hey is this normal?" or "what would you do..." is so so helpful and reassuring. 

2) Take advice with a grain of salt.

Everyone will give you advice. Wanted or not... it will come. Sometimes it will be great and other times it just won't work for your family. It is OKAY to smile and say "thank you, I will consider that". Chew the meat and spit out the bones. 

3) Laugh, just laugh.

As new moms we can worry sooo much about every little thing (is this breathing right? is he getting enough milk? is she gassy? what is this mark on their bum? should he be watching tv? is she overstimulated? etc). Its also a messy job (you havent lived until you have been peed, pooped, and spit up on in the same afternoon!). You also dont get much sleep and you are readjusting everything in your life. Do not lose your joy! When baby spits up on your 5th shirt of the day - laugh. Cherish those sweet little moments and laugh! There is plenty of time to be serious but enjoy those moments.

4) Only YOU know what is best for your children.

There are sooo many choices that we make as mothers. Whether to breastfeed or use formula. Co sleep or put baby in a crib. Feed on demand or use a schedule. Cloth diaper or use disposables. The list can go on and on really. Some people will have extremely strong opinions either way but just know that YOU are the parent. You are the mommy. Educate yourself and make the best choice for YOU and YOUR baby. When you know better, do better. And Do not feel guilty for doing things differently. Also keep in mind that its okay to change your ideas later on. What works for you and your 4 month old might not work for you when baby is 10 months old. 

5) Its a season and there will be more. 

Honestly, there are some confusing times being a first time mom. We are navigating what we think is best for our kids. We are truly learning what it means to be a parent. But remember... its a season. You will get through it! You will figure out how to get your baby to sleep... then teething comes or a leap or baby decides he doesnt like the swaddle any more and you start all over again. haha BUT You will adapt! You will conquer this mountain and get to the next. Just give yourself some grace. Breathe. And soak up all the things that means you're a mommy. 

What is some advice you wish you would have listened to the first time around? Leave a comment below and start a conversation. 

xxoo, Monica