Wash me down stream

There have been so many lessons learned down our road to adopt our daughter, Vivian. So many times when I felt so weak and tired, and the mountain ahead felt too overwhelming. However, our call to adopt never wavered, and we knew we were right where we were supposed to be.  Somehow we knew we needed to keep moving forward, and it was so unbelievably worth it.

It’s funny though, how knowing something and knowing something can be totally different, you know? The kind of knowing that gets in deep into our hearts and souls, and causes change in our lives can be hard to come by.

There are times in life when it has seemed like the right thing to dig in and stand firm-- to cling to beliefs, or ways of doing something with all my might. It has seemed right not get swept away by the waters that surround me. And there are times this is the best way, to be sure. However, I was talking with a girlfriend a while back, saying these same things about wanting to ‘stand firm in the face of all this uncertainty and fear and worry’ and she looked at me and simply asked, “but why not get swept down stream?”  This idea blew me away, and I have not stopped thinking about it since. Why not? Why not let myself get washed away instead of standing here, exhausted, in this same spot trying to do things the same way I always have.  Praying on this idea, I feel now more than ever, ‘Lord wash me down stream.’

Standing rooted in my need to control-

Lord, wash me down stream.

Waist high in my comfort zone of ‘doing it myself’ and asking for His guidance later-

Jesus, wash me down stream.

Allowing my fears to dictate my perception of God’s goodness or faithfulness-

Holy Spirit, wash me down stream.

Lord, sweep me up me from this place of control, and self-reliance, and fear and wash me down stream.

Yes, the trip down river may feel rushed and overwhelming and new and scary, but that new place, that fresh place, is SO. MUCH. BETTER.

There is a Hillsong’s United song, I’m sure we’ve all heard a thousand times, called “Oceans”. Lately have been listening to it on repeat. This part has really spoken to me:

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

How quickly, how easily, I forget that. I can look back and clearly see where God has come through, guided, healed and blessed. Yet at the first sign of struggle my soul cries out “God! You’ve forgotten me here! Why won’t you help?!

Wash me down stream, dear Jesus, of this knee-jerk reaction to so easily forget your goodness. Bring to me to a new place of trust, and faith and dependency. Because that, sweet friends, is where He is. His grace abounds in DEEPEST waters. Take me there, Lord. Wash me deeper and deeper.